By
’Tunji Ajibade
You say they are leaked data, right? Well, it’s your moment; call them what you like. You might even tell me the Watergate scandal was due to a leak and that no one worked at it. I suspect your media house sent you to undo the fantastic job I’ve been doing for my party against those Labour people. All I know is that I did what I should as my job demanded and that was why all of this was out. Labour Party strikes us, I see to it that we strike them back and since you still can’t sniff their second name, I’ll tell you. O, no, don’t ask me. I’ll tell you in my own roundabout kind of way.
You see, I– What? You say did I know how hard you worked to get those digital files on Labour’s deadly internal wrangling. Don’t worry. I won’t deflate your balloon. In fact, I won’t imagine shooting down your parachute. You are a TV reporter, I’m a politician, the Chief Communication Strategist and spokesperson for the Tories. You see, I shouldn’t be on this job if I’m not good at it. Remember that I was selected for this post at the time he was in Number 10; I mean the man who strived for excellence in all things, the Right Hon. Boris Johnson. He knew I was damn good so he was all ten fingers in it at the time I was appointed. Of all the MPs, I was the one appointed. Doesn’t that mean something to you?
I doubt it does since the fact that I was appointed when the colossus, Johnson, was at Number 10 doesn’t register with you. Look here, if I don’t know the intrigues surrounding parties’ rivalry and what works and what doesn’t, I shouldn’t still be here under the current party leader. Now you come here to praise yourself, claiming you got files because they leaked. Amuse yourself. You’re entitled to it. In fact, nothing pleases me more than seeing your media platform promote you because of the fabulous investigation you conducted that led to those discoveries about what you tagged Labour’s internal backstabbing. Your bosses can praise you, just get the filth out there and rubbish them; what matters to me is that my superiors here are praising me too. They do because they know the kind of punch I land on Labour from time to time. It’s my job to so do, otherwise, those Labour people won’t realise they still have a formidable opponent come 2024. And if you didn’t know, check the polls now. We’ve stepped up. My party credits me with some of the reasons, I mean the underground work that I do for which you now claim credit. I begrudge you nothing. You claim credit before the scene, I shall claim credit behind the scene; it’s the nature of the jobs we both have.
Meanwhile, you said your media house will be coming out with the leaks you have. Even at that, what you know is less than what you don’t know. Look here, this is a tense period as the elections are fast approaching. They strike, I strike. You say this interview is live, right? No problems, I came prepared any way, ready to hit them where it pains the most. Don’t even imagine that what I have on those Labour people is in anyway inferior to what you will get from your leaks. Were you aware that this Labour, these Labour people that you see, their problem didn’t start today. They accuse the Tories of all manner of things, but what you know about them is a penny compared to a thousand pound note worth of scandals in which they’re involved.
My challenge is that you reporters focus on the moment, only on all of that gibberish that Labour says about us. You don’t dig to know that they have their own basketful of worms. The other time you heard them criticize Queen’s honour awarded a foreigner, blaming the Tories, didn’t you? But you don’t recall Labour and their connection to political donations for award of life peerages. I’m sure you don’t. The peerages were for those who loaned money to the then governing Labour Party. The party was later compelled to repay the loans only to fall into financial difficulty. And– What? You say it’s so many years ago. The digital files on Labour’s secret internal wrangling dated back to how many years ago? That’s the bias I know you in particular have for Labour.
And what of the four Labour Party Life Peers who offered to help make amendments to a legislation for up to £120,000 using their political influence? Don’t forget that one of them said, ‘One of the challenges I think I am really looking forward to is sort of translating my knowledge and contacts about sort of international scene into something that bluntly makes money.’ He was a Labour Lord, not a Tory.
By the way, I suppose you want to burnish his image and present him as a victim in your TV series, right? You ask, who? The man that Boris Johnson unraveled in the December 2019 election, of course. Who else would I be talking about? He’s the protagonist in the Labour Party digital file leaks that you plan to serialise, isn’t he? Look, between you and I, we’ll come after him if you polish him in any way. Don’t bother to ask me why. Johnson floored him in 2019 and I won’t stand by and let you undo that victory. You say what I’m talking about? Of course you know what I’m talking about. Your TV series will only change the narrative, making it seem he wasn’t well and thoroughly beaten by Johnson in 2019, that it was the Labour internal wrangling that undid him. I won’t let that happen. It cannot; don’t forget election is approaching. Any narrative contrary to what the public knew in 2019 would be toxic for my party, so I won’t permit it.
Look here, everything about that past Labour leader was true, and no burnishing of him in your TV series can undo that. I suppose you want to believe he wasn’t guilty as charged because of the internal wrangling you now know about. He was, I can prove it and I will. It’s all that my job is about. Look, this Labour guy was in Tunis, present at a wreath-laying ceremony in a cemetery which contained the graves of Palestinian activists including two that were were alleged members of the Black September Organization. That was the organization that was allegedly behind the Munich massacre at the 1972 Summer Olympics.
At the cemetery, he was photographed laying a wreath. Don’t forget, his action was part of a wider series of issues relating to allegations of antisemitism in the Labour party and his personal position on the Middle East. All of that escalated after he became a front-runner for Labour Party leadership that time. That’s the man whose political narrative you will end up rewriting in your TV series. Don’t try it. He’s guilty as charged and I will pursue the matter more vigorously than you imagine. It’s politics and all weapons are acceptable; no one would make me look incompetent at my job.
Didn’t all the Labour people you tried to interview decline? But here I am, boldly defending my party. Expect the cat that has stolen fried fish to sneak out of the house with the excuse of taking its evening walk when the owner wants to carry it. Of course, they won’t comment on any of the individual cases you will be featuring. But they claim their party is a rules-based organisation that properly follows its own rules. Hmm, rules. They even claimed they always acted in compliance with the law, party rules, their job descriptions and proper standards of proportionality. We’ll see about that. We will, by the time I strike where it’ll cause them more political hemorrhage.
Imagine, the protagonist in your upcoming series even failed to declare who paid for his trip to Tunisia in accordance with parliamentary requirements. Those are the rules-based people. He’s scandal, that man; the sum of those Labour people. What he is, is what they are and his name is their name. What? You say I promised to tell you the second name of Labour Party.
Well–
tunjiaoa@gmail.com
