By ’Tunji Ajibade
Wait, Dan, wait a moment; I call this press briefing to unveil the portrait of the First Lady, Melania. So I won’t permit you to display your biases here by turning this into a question and answer session about what you called “all the president’s women.” Haa, don’t you guys have respect for honeymoon anymore? Dan, didn’t you have honeymoon when you got married? I’m asking you. Rob, what about you? You guys should let the president and the First Lady enjoy some honeymoon before you start your, em– Even when couples move into a new house they deserve a period of honeymoon. The president and the First Lady just resumed office days back, and rather than give them their flowers, I mean their deserved honeymoon, you start your usual criticism of such a young administration.
See, Dan; if you don’t like honeymoon, your colleagues here do and I advise you pluck a leaf from them. Leaves are plenty in the premises of the White House if you want one, and an olive branch is even better as it symbolises that you’re prepared to relate fine with the new couple in the White House, so I recommend it. I shall– What? You say the Trumps are neither a new administration nor a new couple. Then what are they to you? This is the challenge I have with you and your newspaper, Dan. You lack that touch of ehm– ehm– forget it. There was the other couple here just few days back. They left, and Americans have just seen them replaced by a new look president and new look First Lady, but here you– Look, I’m not ready for this conversation, Dan. I’m not. You should at least welcome the president and the First Lady, such a gentle soul, into their new role first before you raise issues that are so stale and–
You say what? You see; you’ve dropped another bomb. You’re saying this isn’t a new role for the Trumps. Ok, have it your way. But I won’t permit you to derail the plan I have for this briefing as the First Lady’s Style Advisor. By the way, this is an informal briefing that I personally organize in honour of the First Lady, not the one by the White House Director of Communication who addressed another briefing for the first time a few days ago. As you can see, I carefully select you guys because I know the Trumps enjoy tremendous goodwill with your news organisations. As for what Dan is saying, em- what he thinks he’s doing with his hostile and inciting question is what I don’t understand. So, without any much–
Yes? Olivia, you said the snippet of the portrait you had showed a Hollywood star not a First Lady. Hear Olivia, you just put my first smile of the day on my face with your question. I mean, your observation. Well, who should you see in the White House at this time if not a star? Even the portrait of the president has sent many cheeks wagging. Some cheeky journalists have suggested the president exudes such an air of a film celebrity that even Sylvester Stallone couldn’t have matched even in that Hollywood celebrity’s younger days. Well, I shall whisper such a wonderful observation into the ears of the First Lady; I’m sure she’ll let the president know about it. She sure will. I mean, which woman would hear that her husband is admired far and near and wouldn’t smile from here to the Statue of Liberty. What of you Olivia, won’t you smile from your ear to your beautiful cheeks? You see, she’s smiling already.
Look guys, I’m serious, very serious; the president’s portrait has been said to show him gazing into the camera like a film star. But, Olivia, I’m assuming you didn’t mean what you said as a criticism of the president. You do? I can’t believe what I’m hearing. You too? So Ceasar’s Brutus are many in this room. By the way, what’s your problem whether or not the First Lady is a Hollywood star in D.C.? You just described the First Lady with a gorgeous description, then you went overboard by saying– Wait. let me ask you this question: When was the last time Americans got to see a photogenic First Lady in the White House, let alone a Hollywood film star? When? Or, do you mean to say Americans with their love for beauty and stardom don’t deserve a First Lady who looks different for a change. You see, all of you criticise the president for being different. But the First Lady who brings a glamorous kind of difference to D.C. you still– Look, the First Lady’s portrait you’re talking about– Let me even unwrap what I have here since you guys won’t let me unveil it in the grand paparazzi style that I planned, with all the fireworks.
See it. Look at her fabulous jacket over the white top. Check the hairstyle that all of American ladies are talking about. Observe the star-worthy gaze that even the best actress in Hollywood can’t give the world’s best photographers. This is one portrait all young girls across America and around the world would dream of placing in their beautiful bedrooms, seeking to be like the First Lady one day. My twelve year old daughter will yell all over the house if I don’t take one wall poster of this portrait home for her. Cindy, you are nodding; you know young girls go crazy over their role models. I know it too. Yet, here’s everyone full of criticism of this portrait that I told the First Lady would win over millions of America’s bipartisan hearts to support the president. I won’t even let the First Lady hear what you said; I’m not prepared to lose my privileged position with her.
Rob, you raise your hand. I hope you won’t be like Olivia, asking questions about the kind of clothes the First Lady wore at the president’s inauguration, for instance. What? It’s the exact question you have in mind, but you’re particularly curious about the hat the First Lady’s wore at the inauguration. Haa. Hat. Well, that was a striking hat and there was her Usha’s fashion forward overcoat too. Fashion writers have confided in me that the First Lady’s serious look was in stark contrast to her 2017 inauguration outfit. If you ask me, that is an outfit that has all the hallmarks of her distinct First Lady style, sharply cut, with spiked heels and a dramatic flourish via her headgear as one writer has put it, and I agree. Her outfit is serious and chic, or what do you think Olivia? Uh, I shouldn’t even ask you since you are– See, the designer the First Lady chose for her inauguration dress has become a subject of fascination, if you don’t know. In fact, I can tell you for free that her dressing is an opportunity to transmit a message. And she succeeded, o yes she did.
Giani? I hope your question too isn’t about “all the president’s women.” If there’s any woman to be talked about here it’s the First Lady, so– Yes, Dan? Please, wait let Giani ask his question first. You said it was the First Lady and the president’s daughter-in-law, Lara, you wanted to talk about that time when you asked about all the president’s women. Uh, I didn’t know. My apologies. Lara is a great woman, don’t you think? She has done a great job as co-chair of the GOP. The president made a great choice supporting her for that role. You see, the president has really great women around him. There’s his daughter as well. Bright and intelligent. The president loves women and he treats them nice; I can tell you that in spite of the bad things some critics say about him. He loves and respects women. Take the Executive Order the president signed lately to protect the interest of women in sports as an example. So you can see that detractors have only caught another bout of jealousy for the president and the First Lady. This one is Jealousy 2.0. It’s what they have caught. And I can confirm that to you without asking for the view of the First Lady as to what their detractors have caught, trust me. Meanwhile, I can go on to name so many capable women that the president has lined up to work in this new administration– But, Dan ask you question first. Than I can tell you the–
END.
