By ’Tunji Ajibade
tunjioa@yahoo.com
That was a near miss. Yes, it was. He almost returned to 10, Downing Street, you know, practically giving our leader and all the MPs in the opposition party a debilitating heart attack. How do you mean, is it that bad? It’s worse. Don’t you know this maverick of a politician called Boris Johnson is a magic. I mean he is a charm. No, I mean to say there’s something about him that makes him to always be the centre of attention in this political dispensation, just like Sir Winston Churchill was in his time. You see, my sixtieth sense tells me that this can only mean one thing – he’s not done yet with our politics, just like Sir Winston Churchill was not done from the time he entered parliament until he served his last term as the Prime Minister from 1951 to 1955.
This man will always be with us, and it was a scary prospect for our leader that last time when Johnson almost returned to Number 10. Our leader has had to be on the lookout, and very much so; what with the enduring public fascination with Johnson? He is the biggest headache we have in the opposition. Oh, he sure is. By the way, were you not the same journalist who interviewed me the other time, asking for a portrait of our party’s leader, Sir Keir Stammer? You are not? Who is at the other end of the line then? You are from Bluebird Broadcasting Company? Oh, so it’s you people. I didn’t check, I simply collected the cell phone when a member of my staff said there was a journalist on the line.
Look, I have my grudges against you people at Bluebird Broadcasting Company. Sorry, I mean, I have my concerns about the angle from which you people covered the latest contest for the post of the prime minster among the Tories. You people are rabidly sensitive about use of strong words, and you might misquote me; that was why I substituted concerns for grudges, otherwise the entire media would be agog with news that an opposition MP holds grudges against Johnson. I don’t begrudge him, even as I admit that he remains an evergreen source of worry for us in the opposition. In any case, which opposition party won’t hold grudges against a politician who gives them the jitters?
Actually, I had been waiting for an opportunity to let you people at the Bluebird Broadcasting Company know that I take exception to the coverage of the last contest, if I may call it that. Let me ask you, why must your Company make every coverage on the contest to be about Boris Johnson? For the few days the contest lasted, he was in every piece of news item. He resigned several weeks ago yet you have a way of making him feature in news, commentaries and analysis as though he still occupies Number 10? That is media bias, and I want to strongly register my stronger-than-metamorphic rock reservations. You too think of it, you covered everything about the last contest for Number 10 and you even added a news item on the lectern used by past and present Tory prime ministers. That’s too much coverage, and it’s unfair journalism. That’s what it is, in case you don’t know. You never gave such elaborate coverage to the opposition party, never in the history of your company. Not even our leader got that kind of attention from you, with all the high rating he has in the opinion polls. You say you were only following the news. I know, but you need to follow with caution otherwise you will give all of us in the opposition a bigger BP than we have at the moment. And I am sure that news item on lectern, you came up with it because of Johnson. No, no, no, don’t tell me that. Don’t tell me it’s not true. I knew what I saw?
Your station has focused on this maverick of a politician to the detriment of our leader in the opposition party. You said this was about the Tories? Of course, I knew the Tories were the ones to select a new leader and PM, but the opposition leader wasn’t silent either. He had dismissed the Tories, insisting there should be a general election. But did you give him coverage, the kind you gave Johnson? No, no, don’t tell me that. I won’t take that kind of argument from you. Your coverage focused more on Johnson who didn’t even formally declare his interest, while you left out the weak link in the chain. What? You ask who the weak link is? You too can work out the mathematics. You did some mathematics in school, didn’t you?
The weak link was the one we were keen to see emerge as the Tory leader and PM, I mean a PM that our leader won’t need to race before he crosses the finishing line whenever the next election is called. Instead of giving the weak link in the chain enough coverage, you focused on the maverick of a politician who was even in the Caribbean enjoying his holiday. Imagine, you reported his every move, including when he boarded plane in the Dominican Republic, the time left for him to arrive here, and the time he actually arrived. Haa, we wanted a man to stay out of a race but you went ahead to give him such a worldwide coverage. You reporters at Bluebird Broadcasting Company gave us BP throughout the time the saga lasted; you gave our leader greater than normal BP. Let me tell you, this is the wrong time to send our leader to the NHS hospitals, and you know it, what with that long waiting list following the pandemic.
Hmmn? You say your station has actually been critical of Johnson and that his supporters accuse you of been too critical of him. Exactly what I’m talking about! Don’t you know that all publicity is helpful, particularly to a politician of Johnson’s meteoric standing? It doesn’t matter whether or not he has a bad press day. All publicity is good publicity. Especially for that maverick of a politician, all publicity works in his favour, serves to put him in the public eyes even when you criticize him. Don’t you get that? You ought to blacklist him. Don’t talk about him at all – criticism or otherwise. Don’t discuss him on your shows. Don’t. You see, he’s gas, this Johnson; he’s smoke, yes smoke is a better word; lock him up, he will still escape. That’s smoke for you. No matter how much you criticize him on your shows, people will still discuss him. This is the main problem we have with him in the opposition. I don’t want people to mention his name at all, don’t you understand? He’s the only high blood pressure, I mean headache that our leader in the opposition has at the moment.
Meanwhile, your company makes my own task more difficult too. You see our leader has just appointed me the Chief Whip. Ehn? You said, congratulations. Ok, thank you. But I have a crisis on my hands. This Johnson, as well as that coverage on lecterns, is a crisis. You say, how? It is a crisis because these days each time our MPs in the opposition open their mouths, it is the name of this maverick of a politician that comes out. He is their topic in every conversation. They were all afraid of the big comeback Johnson wanted to stage while the contest lasted. They’re even more so after you broadcast that news item focusing on lecterns that Tory prime ministers use at Number 10. In fact, the lectern Johnson used while he was the PM has now become our number one challenge and I can tell you that for free.
Well, I suppose I shouldn’t even blame only Bluebird Broadcasting Company for the current situation in which we find ourselves. Other journalists, including one particular journalist who has the temerity to write a column titled, ‘Did Boris Johnson commit offence known to politics?’ has contributed to it. This is a serious setback because from line one to the very last line, he kept mentioning many great things that Johnson did when he was the PM. In the process, he has sowed seed in the minds of readers that, maybe, Johnson should return to Number 10.
The greater danger is that some MPs have since decided that they made a mistake helping the opposition to send Johnson out of Number 10. Now they want him to return. It didn’t happen this last time out, but it can still happen in the nearest future. This is a disaster of monumental proportion, it’s Mount Everest fallen down flat on us, the very last thing we want to see happen. The column is actually a counter coup, following our own coup during which we criticized Johnson in parliament until Tory cabinet ministers resigned and he too was compelled to resign. You ask me, how is the column a counter coup? Two points here. One, other writers have responded to the journalist. Some criticize him, while others praise him. But as I said, every publicity – good or bad – is publicity. A politician like Johnson would benefit from it. Both the original column and the rejoinders have generated more public debate that added colour to this maverick of a politician. Now his name is burning like wildfire from mouth to mouth across the nation.
Now, to the second point. It may interest you that this is not the only damage the column has done. I understand that some university lecturers of Politics have taken the question raised by the journalist into their classrooms and they ask their students to write on it. You see, debates have ensued in classrooms and on campuses where the name of this maverick is constantly mentioned. What do you think the outcome will be? Boris Johnson will catch the attention of these students. His name will stoke the fire of their imagination. Are you thinking what I am thinking? Those are potential voters who can bring Johnson back into Number 10 in the nearest future with their votes. This is real fire on the roof for the opposition party, or don’t you see what I’m seeing?
Your station cannot continue to give coverage to such maverick of a politician and expect us in the opposition to not be concerned. Alright, take the lectern that you showcased in one of your news reports. You said new lecterns were made for each of the recent prime ministers – from David Cameron to Rishi Sunak. You said each of these PMs stood behind a new lectern the day they arrived Number 10 and the day they left. Your report said the Conservative Party paid for each of the lecterns. But do you know the terrible mistake you made, you gave Johnson more of the airtime in that report, mentioning him more times than other former PMs, before adding that his own lectern cost 3,000 pounds. You didn’t mention how much lecterns for the other Tory PMs cost. But you mentioned Johnson’s. Is that not a classic case of journalistic bias that I’m talking about?
Do you know the implication of what you have done? The lectern has given citizens across the nation another topic to discuss about Johnson. You brought him into more homes at a time our leader in the opposition wants him out of homes, far away from people’s attention. For how long will you journalists keep scoring goals against our leader? Across all the constituencies, even in my constituency, all small talk revolves around Boris Johnson’s wooden lectern. His 3,000 pounds lectern. There’s a complication there. Since you broadcast the news item on lectern, our leader has painstakingly calculated that some ardent supporters of Johnson may ask that the lectern be sold to them at an auction. I’m sure you people at Bluebird Broadcasting Company will consider such an arrant nonsense newsworthy and therefore give it full coverage. In the event, you set more tongues wagging about Johnson’s lectern, prolonging his presence in the mind of the voters.
This is a worrisome situation for our leader. It’s for me too because our leader gives me the task to undo the damage you have caused among our MPs who talk about Johnson all the time and the public at large. As things stand, our leader engages in permutations all the time; he’s forever wondering, worried, what you people would do next that could further plant Johnson in the minds of voters. Just this morning he confided in me that he had a sleepless night thinking about Johnson’s lectern and how a buyer might even resell the lectern to another ardent supporter who would– You see the threats Johnson constitutes to us in the opposition party is endless and our leader cannot sleep. I’m sure it’s not unlikely he may have developed migraine, although I hope it’s not the big one, something mild is better.
Let me ask you: Is it your plan at the Bluebird Broadcasting Company to ensure our leader forever lives in the shadow of Johnson and his lectern? If it’s not your plan, I urge you to not report anything about him anymore. That maverick of a man can do serious damage behind any lectern, you know. Because he knows how to get people to understand him, more than our leader ever can. So we know he remains an ever present threat to our leader for as long as both of them are in politics. Our leader even has the hunch that–
