By ’Tunji Ajibade
I didn’t come here to talk about the First Daughter, Ms Natasha Museveni; I didn’t. So don’t ask me questions about what Naija guys said about her lately. The little I’m willing to say is that I know for sure that as for Nigerians, “Dem no dey carry last.” Did you even know the first question a Nigerian asked when he saw Ms Natasha’s picture online – Is she single? Naija guys see a good thing where Ugandans sees none. Nonetheless, I can confirm to you press guys that Ms Natasha isn’t flabbergasted; I mean she’s not over the moon by the rave attention she got on social media from her Nigerian admirers over her alleged appointment as Governor of our Central Bank.
But she’s happy, that I can tell you, or whose things become two and won’t rejoice over it? That’s a famous saying among the Yoruba people of Nigeria, in case some of you press guys don’t know already. Even one Nigerian said it in a post on social media that Ms Natasha is gorgeous and that being the First Daughter of the Republic she deserves all the position her father His Excellency can give her. But that kind of adulation is hard to find her in Kampala where there are more critics than those who appreciate a great leader and his adorable daughter, Ms Natasha. And it’s not good for the health of Ugandans, I can tell you; bad belle, a rare but virulent form of jealousy is not good for anyone’s health. The last time I checked a newspaper report before I left my office, many were busy castigating an appointment that, if made, would be a plus to all ladies in this nation. But what do we get?
By the way, you press guys shouldn’t think Ms Natasha is new to such high praises from those who adore her home and abroad, especially Nigerians. But that’s not the case among those who nurse a bad-belle. Many even write on social media denying such an appointment has been made. What a shame. At a time all of us should sound it loud and confirm that His Excellency has indeed appointed his daughter as boss of our Central Bank such that he feels pressured to go ahead and announce Ms Natasha’s name for the post, many who suffer bad bad-belle are denying it. Left to me as the spokesperson of our great party, it’s treason to deny that His Excellency appointed his daughter whom he fondly called Kukuru. Or what is there if His Excellency’s daughter merits a seat and her ebullient father gingerly places her on it.
Wait. Which good father won’t gingerly place his daughter on a good seat, tell me, which father? All of you now come here asking me for my comments on Ms Natasha – what Naija guys said about her and her alleged appointment as Governor of the Central Bank. See, you press guys should ask some other questions, not anything that has to do with Ms Natasha. In fact, if you must know as we speak I eagerly await His Excellency’s announcement that the First–
Yes? Ketura, you say what is the view of our party regarding the election of a 44-year old Bassirou Faye that his party presented as president of Senegal. Our view is that we have no view. Do you hear me? Our party has no view. I come here to address the rumours being spread maliciously about His Excellency, his son who is now our Defense Minister, and the next thing is you ask me about Senegal. I see through you tricks. Shortly you will drag me by the neck and ask me to answer questions about His Excellency’s age, and the years he has spent in office as president, and the years our great party has spent, and– and–
I won’t even attend to such questions. If anyone does not know the relevance of patriotism these are the kind of treasonous questions they ask. And if you ask me about Lieutenant-General Muhoozi Kainerugaba, son of His Excellency the president, and his new Chief of Defense, I won’t turn in your direction for the rest of this press briefing. Be assuredly of that. You should learn to address patriots fine, people who have paid their price in the interest of the nation, and the General is a patriot as his father has been. So what does it matter of if His Excellency appoints to positions, his son, or his daughter, or his wife – the mother of our time, mother of the nation – as the Minister of Education?
Let me tell you, mothers know a lot about education. So the appointment of His Excellency’s wife is something you should applaud rather than denigrate. Even you, Ketura: Was your mother not your first teacher as a kid? So what are you telling me? His Excellency’s wife even educated Ms Natasha first, and we can all see the powerful effect this has had on her. What further evidence do we then need that these are pegs in the right holes? Check Ms Natasha’s accomplishments. She wrote a book on her father that captured the whole essence of our history as a nation during the bush war that eventually liberated our nation. She did documentary all of which has the support of important people in this nation. It’s such an eminent patriot you now take your pen and papers and– and– bad-bells about.
Let me tell you guys that maliciously report that His Excellency appoints this or appoints that; what is important is that the nation is in good hands, and you can all see it. His Excellency is a good hand, General Kainerugaba is a good hand, His Excellency’s wife and mother of the nation is a good hand, and Ms Natasha is another good hand. So what’s all the hullaballoo about? Even our Nigerians friends ask the same questions. Hmn, those Nigerians, they have a head; I can tell you they do. Check their posts about Uganda and all the goings-on here. In fact, the first thing their guys observe is not to say His Excellency appoints his daughter. What the smart guys say is what is in it for them. They enthuse that Ms Natasha is such a good looking lady. Well, don’t ask me if any of the Naija guys nurse some dream about Ms Natasha; I cannot say. But come to think of it; which eyes see a gorgeous lady and won’t cast a second glance?
That’s all I have to say about that, before one you press guys report that I am matchmaking Ms Natasha. In Uganda, it’s an affront on a father that an outsider match-makes their daughter. I don’t want to run foul of His Excellency. You know he’s a retired soldier and retired soldiers aren’t known for predictability. So I won’t even risk it. It’s my job I am doing. Who knows? Ms Natasha might even consider me for a job as her spokesperson when she is announced as head of Central Bank if I praise her to the high heavens. You know my job as party spokesperson is to praise. All I can tell you for now regarding Ms Natasha is that her father will will accept any suitor he wants for his lovely daughter when he’s ready. It’s his prerogative, isn’t it? So that aspect about the interest Naija guys are showing isn’t my business. But I won’t be surprised if a wealthy Nigerian guy shows up tomorrow asking to see the hands of Ms Natasha. Naija guys aren’t slow about such things; dem no dey carry last – that I can tell you for sure.
As I was saying, Naija guys were asking all the right questions on social media about the alleged appointment. One smart guy even said if Ms Natasha’s father appoints her to be in charge of money what’s anyone business in that? As for me I say, it’s a good observation. What’s anyone’s bad-belle about who His Excellency puts in charge of his treasury, the place where money is printed? And the goodwill of Nigerians for Ms Natasha didn’t end there. One gave her profile, fast guy. How he quickly one came up with it surprised even me. You see what I mean? When Naija guys see what is good they don’t slack. Even Ms Natasha would be impressed beyond measure. What about you? Won’t you be when a stranger says the best about you?
The said guy writes that Ms Natasha has meticulously crafted her unique identity, wearing multiple hats as a writer, fashion designer, consultant, and film producer. He says the First Daughter exudes an age-defying charm reminiscent of her mother’s timeless allure. Such high praise from a Naija guy. Meanwhile, don’t mind that there is Edwin, the fortunate man who won Natasha’s heart—a prosperous Ugandan businessman and lawyer. Desperate guys won’t mind. It’s just that one needs to whisper it into Ms Natasha’s ears that she needs to display her ring on her ring finger if she knows where it is.
Yes, Ketura. You say I need to get back to the issue of the day as time is fast running out. True. I will go into it now. But you can’t blame me for this situation. You guys came with a load of questions unrelated to–
END.
