By ’Tunji Ajibade
With that kind of question you guys won’t let me carry out my last task as the transition team’s spokesperson. I’m here to present– Yes, Jenn? Is that your question? But Mr President’s pen can’t be your concern when– Look, I like us to focus on my reason for this press briefing. I’m here to present the president’s official bio, and I– What? Jenn, you say it won’t be necessary because you know him too well. Why? There’s the official portrait of the new president that we released lately, so why not his official bio as well? I won’t let you press guys present him as you wish again, because that was how you misled American voters before November election, telling them what the presidential candidate of our party was not.
Brand Trump is too important to be left to you guys to describe to others. So, if you would allow me to do what I am here– Rob, you raise your hand. Make it quick so that I can– You say what is my view about Trump getting the Saudis to bring billions into the US economy barely hours after he– Wait, Rob, wait. You ask a question so let me respond even though this isn’t part of my itinerary. See, regarding the Saudis Mr President started from where he left off in 2020. I’m not boasting but this is what you get when you have a king in the White House. The Saudis respect royals like themselves. As such they respond in record time when a king is in the White House. Leave those Dems who belittled their president when he was in the White House. King Trump is here, so what happened isn’t a surprise at all. May I let you in on this secret? He– Yes, Rob. Haa, how can you suggest that? Emperor? That I say Mr President is a king doesn’t mean I say he should be an emperor. Or, do you mean some may maliciously call him His Imperial Majesty because of Greenland and Canada? That’s another one there that I’ve not even thought of.
But, why not since he’s decided to have Greenland and Canada as part of the United States? Who desires such large expanse of territory except an emperor? Ok, I concede; Mr President can pass for an emperor of the modern age. After all, things like “imperial presidency” were suggested in the early 1960s under J. F. But that does mean I suggest Mr President should construct a castle. I don’t say so because you guys may publish it that I say the White House isn’t grand enough for an emperor, as deserving as a castle is for a president with a vision to make America great again. Come to think of it, a grand castle can’t be a bad idea considering that the Brits have them but they don’t make 10 Downing Street occupy one. Hmm, that thing belittles the office of the leader of a world power like Britain, I can tell you that for free.
I mean, don’t you see the building that 10 Downing Street occupy? How do you expect royals of other nations to consider British leaders of equal status to theirs? The Brits need to learn from the French, really. They like everything grand, the French. Don’t forget, a grand place, the Elysee Palace, is what they call their presidential palace which is befitting. The thing is, the French like everything grand. Grand Alliance. Grand Treaty. Grand– So, as Mr President considers Greenland and Canada he may as well build a grand castle to show British political leaders what grandour means. It won’t be a difficult task for him, as you know his estates all over the US are grand. So I agree, Rob. In fact, I see you have a head. I concede you have a head.
Yes? Mel. You see, you are supposed to ask me questions about the bio I’m about to present. Instead you ask about Mr President’s official portrait. I really don’t see why you ask me if I think Mr President’s look in that portrait is inappropriate. How? I mean, here’s a big stage man. He’s always been. So if he strikes the pose of a Hollywood movie celebrity, how’s that a problem? Except you want to tell me there’s a way a president must look. And that’s the challenge I have with you press guys. You’re too stuck with what a president should or shouldn’t do, the reason you got it all wrong pre-November. What does his portrait even tell you, Mel? Or it says nothing. Maybe to you. But some persons in the Kremlin and in Pyongyang get the message in the portrait – I mean business, I brook no nonsense. It’s what Mr President is saying. You may even check if those same fellows have Mr President’s kind of presence which he fully displays in that portrait. Make what you will of the portrait, Mel. We know why we use it. But if you note how some nations have been explaining things without being asked a question since Mr President returned to the White House, then you know what I mean.
And back to the official bio that I’m here to– Jenn? Uh, you’re still on the Trump’s pen matter. But his pen can’t be your concern when we to talk about a maverick like him. Don’t forget he’s the first to come back after losing second term election in over one hundred years. What he does with the pen he signed executive orders with is his right, and does it occur to you he’s generous by letting people have those pens? And don’t tell me the manner he throws pens to people is unpresidential. I don’t even know what you guys mean by being presidential these days. Is it looking and standing like a statue, unsmiling? Well, Trump is rewriting the rules like you guys said he did four years ago, tweeting at 4am; one reason his own like him.
So, without much ado I shall now proceed to present to you the glistering bio of the 47th leader of the most powerful–
END.
