By
’Tunji Ajibade
Laura, the fact that I’m the nuclear minister doesn’t mean I’m a nuke, exploding and spreading everywhere at once, knowing every detail in all departments of government. So take it easy with me when you ask your questions. Don’t forget that I’m no BoJo who never faltered when you asked him hard political questions at the time he was in Number 10. BoJo is a maverick at these things the way many of us aren’t, even you know that, Laura. If you press me too hard with your no nonsense questions you’ll make me commit political blunders and that’ll be costly in this season when those Labour people are feeling like hawks, thinking they can pick any seat they desire.
As for your last question, all I can say is that the Prime Minister can still win next year because there’s no groundswell of support for Labour people. Wait, wait, Laura. Let me finish what I wanted to say on that point. As the nuclear minister, I can tell you what Armageddon is; certainly it’s not in this Labour Party that you have here. See, this is a house divided against itself. Didn’t you hear Shadow Health Secretary, Wes Streeting, say people wanted Labour to be “louder and clearer”? You know as well as I do that even if Labour people use the latest voice boosters that hi-tec Chinese technology can supply you won’t hear them.
Why? You ask me why, Laura. You don’t need to. You’re a journalist of high repute, one of the best the BBC has produced; meanwhile, BBC thrives under Tory governments and you know what I mean. Look, don’t do anything that will promote Labour people in the eyes of the voters, it can’t do BBC any good. Even you, just imagine the future of the BBC under Labour. Ugly, eh? That’s it. This is the kind of message you should help our government pass on to voters. You know too well that the Tories are friends of the BBC.
As for the– What? You say for context, Streeting’s comment is about the humanitarian crisis in Gaza after the Israel-Hamas war broke out, when Labour’s initial reaction to the conflict upset people. Well, I don’t see the difference between what I say and your clarification. You’ve been watching Labour people since they came under the tutelage of Stammer, haven’t you? He’s a sit-and-do-nothing leader, and all the people of the UK know it. You’ve interviewed him here Laura, and you know how uninspiring his programmes for the people of the UK are. That’s if he has one, and I can assure you that my six year-old daughter’s programme for a day is better than Stammer’s five-year programme for the country. His body language is that he doesn’t need to do anything to win the next election. That has been his worldview, so is that the kind of person you expect to do something when he’s in Number 10? I can’t even imagine it, Laura. I implore you to not imagine it too, it’s a bleak weather I’m foreseeing under the Labour. Bleak weather, and I don’t even need to remind you of the well-known weather of ours.
Apart from that, have you ever heard the Labour leader deliver an inspiring after-election victory speech? Ever since they’ve been claiming they won bye-elections, have you? No, because he has none. All his speeches have been about the Tories. If we don’t exist, Stammer doesn’t have a speech. We the Tories are his speech; we make speech for him because he never sits down to think of one. You too think about it. After the latest bye-elections Stammer said: “Winning in these Tory strongholds shows that people overwhelmingly want change and they’re ready to put their faith in our changed Labour Party to deliver it.” That’s it, if there is no Tories there’s no Stammer’s speech to quote, and it’s a fact.
If you want to verify what I say, Laura, once I leave your studios, ask Stammer to come here; then ask him questions. All you’ll hear from him is the name Andrew Bowie who just left after criticizing him, and he’ll say the nuclear minister says this and the nuclear minister says that. So Mr Stammer, what have you to say for yourself and your party? you may ask him, Laura. You’ll see how he will stare at you as though you asked him if he drank coffee this morning before he left home. Meanwhile, I don’t know if Stammer drinks coffee or tea. I’ll urge M15 to conduct a thorough investigation on that. M15 will spy on him and I’ll use his coffee drinking habit to criticize him when next you invite me. Be sure to invite me, because this is political war and I must help Number 10 to put those Labour people where they belong – opposition seat in the House of Commons. By the way Labour are a better topic than discussing nuclear energy and construction of more nuclear plants on your show, Laura. They sure are and by the time I finish with them your show will get even better ratings. Meanwhile, if you ask Stammer about his coffee habit maybe he’ll be loud on that one. Just maybe.
Now, back to the question you asked me about our ambition to more than triple Britain’s nuclear power generation capacity by 2050. Fact remains that those Labour people started the ruckus about this. Wait, wait, Laura. Don’t blame MPs on the Science, Innovation and Tech Committee. Don’t even mention MPs on the Climate Change Committee who in all honesty have made their views known as well. Our eyes are not on them but on our enemies, Labour. Committee members aren’t the ones who want to hijack power from us, you know, it’s Labour so I’ll address them because that’s what they ask for. It is. If not, why do they make such bombastic claims of their superiority over us in a bye-election where they got barely one thousand five hundred votes more than we did? They’re so annoying, those Labour people. Such noise over two seats! This is an unfinished business; they should realize that, and we shall yet meet them in 2024.
Meanwhile, you’ve asked me why voters are switching directly from us to Labour, without even having the decency to stop by with the Lib Dems on the way. I can tell you it’s because of hoodwink Labour people have been busy doing. They don’t have two jobs, Labour. All they do is hoodwink voters, telling them fabulous tales from Cinderella series. And you know the British love for Cinderella; this is the biggest challenge our party has at the moment. But for us the Tories, we’re unlike Labour; we stay in our corner minding our business, working for the people as even you can attest to, Laura. That’s what Number 10 has been doing – working his shirt out; sorry, I mean rolling up the sleeves of his shirt and going out there to work. People see it, and I can tell you for free that they will reward Number 10 abundantly when the time is ripe.
However, if anyone votes for those Labour people, they shouldn’t expect a magic wand. Labour? After the latest election voters make me wonder; do they know what they are doing? Even when voters say what offends them the most about Number 10 are public debt, illegal migration, crime, does any voter want to tell me that they don’t know these are areas in which Labour is traditionally weaker than the Tories? No voter should even think Number 11 has lost control of the public finances? Because we have not. It’s Labour that go about telling tales they steal from Arabian night tales. Let me tell you Jeremy Hunt is the best hand we have in this nation at the moment and he’s been doing a great job at Number 11. No voter should expect Labour’s Rachael Reeves to be a magician at the tiller. What they will get are days of borrowing from IMF as it happened under a certain Labour’s Denis Healey. Voters should consider that before they eye Stammer, otherwise Reeves at Number 11 will have socialists and unions queuing for bigger pay packets. That’s what voters will get under Labour, so they should beware.
And if it’s about the boats crossing the Channel, ask Stammer if they have a plan. He’ll just stare at you as though you ask him if he likes bacon. He and his followers have no plan that you can hear loud and clear, except when they accuse us of being racist for effectively turning the boats back. That’s what we’ve done; Labour can’t do it because they’re known to always flood this country with whoever they feel like.
Voters need to be beware of Labour, really, they need to as we approach 2024. We know from our reading of Labour people that if their government succeeds in stopping the boats, it’s because they have let in a wave of migrants some other way, such as relaxing the borders. As for those institutions that guide our history, Labour people, will staff them with lovers of anti-colonialism slogans and that’ll be it, the end of British history, if you don’t mind me reminding you of what happened to the statues of British historical figures in England not too long ago.
You may need to–
END.
